


My beautiful bastard child

by SixofCrowsBabies



Category: How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000), Men's Hockey RPF, Original Work
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fever Dream, LMAO, M/M, Other, Pregnancy, and the grinch, i love you gritty, of course it’s not betad wtf, this exists in a void, unbeta’d, what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 01:03:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17193566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SixofCrowsBabies/pseuds/SixofCrowsBabies
Summary: When Ludmilla Shufflebottom finds out she is pregnant, she does not know if it is from the Grinch or Gritty.





	My beautiful bastard child

**Author's Note:**

> I had this random inspiration in the middle and wrote this in legitimately ten minutes.

As Ludmilla Shufflebottom walks down the aisle of the pharmacy, she sees a girl and her boyfriend grabbing a pregnancy test off the shelf. They look so happy. 

Ludmilla would normally be happy for them, but today she is very anxious. After feeling very sick and emotional she figured she was pregnant, a fact she was not very happy about. Even though there were many, many men she had slept with in the past few weeks, she narrowed it down to two possible fathers: The Grinch and Gritty. 

After taking a few pregnancy tests, all with positive results, Ludmilla was confirmed to be pregnant. 

“Oh, god,” she mutters.

She was carrying a bastard child, one that would be forever cursed and unloved. The spawn of either Gritty or the Grinch. There was probably no way to tell who it was until she actually had it. Well, she supposes she could look at the ultrasound. See whether it is orange or green, see whether is has bulging googly eyes or gangrene-ish yellow and green ones. Would this thing even be a boy or a girl?

It has now been about two months. Ludmilla has been going about her business as a normal pregnant woman, with a normal human baby. No one suspects anything. 

It is at the supermarket when she bumps into the Grinch. She gasps and moves her basket to cover her stomach, even though she doesn’t have a bump.

The green man looks at her, then asks in his snivelly voice that she finds so sexy, “Aren’t you the girl from that strip club?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” Ludmilla answers, trying not to let her voice quaver. 

The Grinch looks her up and down, then says, “You know, you’re not that bad. Usually my drunken hookups are very ugly, but you are kind of somewhat sorta attractive, I suppose. What’s your name again?”

“Ludmilla Shufflebottom,” she states. 

The Grinch wrinkles his animallike nose, then says, “Alright, let’s make this quick,” grabs her arm, and leads her to the bathroom. 

A few minutes later, they emerge. Ludmilla has been extremely nervous this whole time about the Grinch finding out about her little secret, but he doesn’t seem to suspect anything. She breathes a sigh of relief, then grabs her basket and continues about her day. 

It has now been two and a half months. Ludmilla has not been to the doctor, but she feels alright. 

That is, until she runs into Gritty. 

The orange beast is right outside of the hockey stadium where he lives. He is attempting to walk on the sidewalk with ice skates on. When he sees her, he gives a single jiggle of his head. His eyeballs get stuck about halfway through. 

“Damn, that’s sexy,” Ludmilla thinks.

Gritty extends his hand, then drags her into the back door of the stadium. They do it in Gritty’s private dressing room. 

Gritty doesn’t find out about her pregnancy. However, Ludmilla is no closer to finding out who the real father is. 

That answer comes several months later, when Ludmilla feels a stabbing pain in her stomach. Her bump is jiggling slightly, which can’t be a good sign. She rushes to the labor part of the hospital and is told she will have to have an emergency C-section. She blacks out immediately. 

Several moments later, Ludmilla wakes up. She sees the Grinch and Gritty sitting in seats next to her. There is a nurse holding a swaddle standing above her. 

“What happened,” Ludmilla asks. 

“We gave you an emergency C-section,” the nurse replies. “And the results were...interesting.” 

The nurse then gives the baby to Ludmilla, who gasps in shock. 

The baby is a mixture of green and orange. It has yellow-green googly eyes. It is wearing a Flyers jersey with no pants, showing off its very large bottom. 

“It’s-“ Ludmilla starts, then the nurse interrupts. 

“Turns out the baby is not actually yours, but the Grinch’s and Gritty’s. You see, the two had sex before meeting you, and the genetic material transferred to you, making you pregnant. The baby is not related to you at all.”

Ludmilla looks at the mother and father of the baby, who are both staring at her intently. 

“I think I will keep it,” she announces. “And raise it with the help of the fathers!”

Several months later, they are all living on a large, peaceful farm, where everything lives in harmony. Ludmilla goes to work every day, while the Grinch and Gritty stay at home and take care of their bastard baby. It’s very beautiful. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> See you in hell lol


End file.
